Friendships,  Lifestyle,  Wellness

Essential ingredients for making new friends in your 20s and 30s (while avoiding being awkward ASF)

1. Be LESS interesting and MORE interested

By this I mean to not always talk about yourself. Trust me, its a bad habit that even I had to learn to overcome. Often times people make the mistake of trying to impress the new potential bestie by sharing their major accomplishment or talking about their best features. 

But being more likable is more about them then it is about you. Everyone LOVES talking about themselves. Show your interest in someone by listening to their stories and their perspectives and asking questions. One study showed that just by asking a person more questions about themselves gives the effect of being more likable.

Finding similarities that makes them feel like you are relatable can also help boost your likeability sore. When that person mentions maybe a favorite hobby you’re into or a favorite topic you love, make sure to point it out.

Kudos points cause this will also cure up any nerves you have talking to a stranger cause you’ll be talking less and listening more.

2. Vulnerability = Trust

Opening yourself up to a complete stranger can be completely overwhelming, especially if you’re an introvert like me. You don’t have to go full TMI but the sooner you reveal a little bit aspects of yourself to another person, the sooner you will be able to gain their trust. You’ll also be able to transform that acquaintance relationship into a friendship because you’ll be creating closer, personal connections.

I HATED, I mean HATED telling anyone anything personal about me. I didn’t want them knowing about any of my flaws but at the end of the day I knew that being vulnerable would help me to become more connected with people. 

To read about how to be more vulnerable, click here.

3. Find a group that you have something in common with

Some of the friends that I had were ones that I met on Facebook. After a year of spending time with them, we slowly started drifting apart. That is, until we all got pregnant around the same time. All of a sudden we now had something BIG in common. We were all going to be mommies of new babies. 

 

I truly believe that the key to starting meaningful friendships is finding a person that you can relate to. One way to do this is by joining groups that you can identify with.

I would suggest using the website meetup.com. Meetup is a great place to explore different groups in your area that have the same hobbies as you. They have all kinds of groups like food enthusiasts, yoga lovers, stay-at-home mommies, tennis players and more.

Another good place to meet friends is on the bumble app. I just started using this app and all I can say is ah-mazing! You can state what you want in a friend and state key characteristics about yourself. This allows you to see matches of other girl friends that are similar to you and matches that live near you.

If you’re not so into meeting new potential friends online or they just creep you out in general, you can meet them by taking up a local class or fun activity in your town.

4. Dont be a stranger

Its almost like dating someone. If i’m not interested in the guy i’m not going to keep texting and responding to him but if I am, most definitely will I be in his inbox. 

You gotta keep in touch if you want the new person that you met to become a friend. You have to make the time for them and by making the time for them you’re showing that you value the relationship.

According to research, you should schedule time for your friends at least every two weeks. Even if you have to set a reminder in your phone, hit them up every two weeks. 

With that being said, you don’t have to physically meet them every two weeks because of the wonders of social media. You can comment on their photos, text them, DM them, or call them on the phone.

However, it is still important to continually put in effort to hang out together in person. Whether its a weekly brunch, a biweekly movie night, or a monthly spa day, put in real effort to see that person. 

5. Dont be a lagger

Plain and simple, no one likes when people flake on them after planning something. Yes, things happen. But a person that constantly lags on you is someone that you’re not going to want to bother planning anything with in the future. If you want a friend, you gotta show up. Otherwise, you’re just wasting their time.

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